hump day.

on learning.
i know i have said it before. and i am positive that i will say it again. life is precious. that is what i have really been learning these last couple of weeks. i will be honest, work lately has been hard. emotionally. physically. mentally. spiritually. seeing horrible things. seeing heartache. seeing young people taken before their time. that's not new. being the one people lean on and turn to during heartache. that's new.

i am learning. i am learning what it means to be that person that people can turn to when their world has been shaken. i am learning. i am learning to find that balance between caring and becoming too attached. i am learning how not to take work home with me. i am learning what it means to be christ's caring hands to the people of inglewood and south central.

i am not going to lie, this job is the hardest thing i have ever done. saying that i haven't cried multiple times when driving home would be a lie. i want to do my job well. i want to make a difference. sometimes i think maybe i want that too much.

life is precious. that reminder makes me want to do things. it makes me want to love and cherish those around me. it makes me not want to live in fear. it makes me want to live for the moment. it makes me want to say i love you more.

life is precious. make sure you are living like it.


[january 2009. new york with college roommates devon and charissa. love and miss them.]

hump day.

mixed thoughts and feelings.

it is a weird place to be in. not knowing if what you are feeling is from your heart, or your head. or simply, not knowing what you are feeling at all.

it is a weird place to be in. when you reason with yourself. when you try to convince yourself that what you are feeling is wrong. or that you need to be feeling a different way.

it is a weird place to be in. wondering if you are the only person to struggle with this. with this thing. with this thing of figuring out your own feelings. with this thing of trying to figure out what it truly means to be you. to figure out and learn who you are.

i wish i was a quicker learner.

[side note, lady antebellum's new album was released yesterday. take a couple minutes to listen to my new favorite song, amazing! happy wednesday everyone!]

hump day.

true.
even though i am not proud to say it, i can be easily influenced by others. i have a hard time making decisions for myself. i have a hard time being true to myself. i hate that i care so much what other people think. or what certain people think. i feel that i have lost myself and the things that i am truly passionate about by trying to blend in with the crowd. i don't like being the different one. i just want to blend in. i wish my heart didn't long for acceptance.

changes need to be made. i can't keep going through life so focused on what other people think. or what other people's opinions are. that is no way to truly live. i need to take time and discover what the desires of my heart are, and no one else. i have been selling myself short, and i deserve a lot more than that.

hump day.

love.

i believe that love is something that you can never stop learning about. how to love others, how to accept love, and how to love yourself.

love is a choice. love is a constant effort. you don't love someone else because it is easy, or convenient. you love someone because you are drawn to them. you love someone because you are a better person when they are around.

i feel that i have been learning a lot about love these last couple of years. or even more, the last couple of months. or even, the last couple of days. love can look like so many different things. it can look like a surprise cup of coffee on an early morning. it can be a random phone call to check in. it can be a hug when no words are said at all.

i am still learning how to truly love those around me. i am still learning how to accept love from others. i know i will always have something to learn about love. but i am trying to make that choice. i am trying to make love apart of my days. i am trying to make love apart of my life. my heart yearns to live how Christ did. where loving people, and loving God was all that mattered.







happy hump day everyone!

hump day.

five rings.

i absolutely love the olympics. i mean, not just kind of like because they come around every 2 years, but el oh vee ee them [sometimes i secretly wish i was good enough at a sport to be an olympian]. i cry during the opening ceremonies. i cry not only because they are beautiful, but because they represent the world coming together in peace; and that is something that i find moving. i plan my life around the olympic line up during those few short weeks. i lose sleep so i can watch the women's gymnastic finals.

i cried when carly patterson won the gold medal. even though i was only 8, the 1996 women's olympic team inspired me [come on, keri strug landing that vault one foot...how can that not bring tears to your eyes?!]. michael phelps is incredible, and how his mom watched every meet made me want to be a mom myself.

i have a bucket list, and one of the things near the top of the list is going to the olympic games. how incredible would that be? no, but seriously. how incredible would that be! i cannot tell you how badly i want to go to london 2012. i have started to research it. and it might be possible. granted, i would probably be able to watch more of the olympics if i was in the comfort of my own home, but even getting to see a couple of the events in person would be totally worth it. they have already had one round of ticket sales for the events, and they are having another one in december. you better believe that me and my visa card will be standing by.

so, thank you olympics. thank you for bringing an indescribable inspiration and joy to my life every 2 years. i can't wait to watch you in person [which will hopefully be in twenty twelve].














happy hump day everyone!

hump day.

fear.
i have waves. waves of being brave. sometimes, i am ready to conquer the world. other times, i become paralyzed with fear.

when i got my first tattoo, that was not one of my bravest moments. just ask my friend devon. i laid on the bed and would not let the tattoo artist even touch for my foot for a good half an hour. i was petrified of the pain. but i did get it, eventually. and that definitely made me much braver when i got my second tattoo.

when i was a kid, i was always the brave one. just ask my parents. i was always the one seeking out some type of thrill [specifically in roller coasters. i was obsessed with those things]. i would never not do anything because i was afraid.

recently, my fear has started to take over me. i am scared that i am going to make a wrong decision. that i will fail. that i will say the wrong thing. that i won't gain other people's approval.

this new fear, it is paralyzing. and i hate it.

i know God is sovereign. and i know he has a plan. a plan that will be perfect. a plan that, in the end, will all make sense. a plan that will be like a beautiful song, with every key in harmony.

so i am just waiting patiently, for my song to finish being composed.





[fall 2007. devon and i showing off a brand new tattoos.]

hump day.

simplicity.
sim·plic·i·ty
noun, plural -ties.
1.the state, quality, or an instance of being simple.
2.freedom from complexity, intricacy, or division into parts: an organism of great simplicity.
3.absence of luxury, pretentiousness, ornament, etc.; plainness: a life of simplicity.

lately, i have been trying to make changes. just little changes, to live a life of simplicity. my current project is going through my dresser/desk/closets and removing all of the 1. clothes i haven't worn in ages and those that don't fit me anymore and 2. to remove all of the stuff that i don't use anymore. this sounds like a really simple and somewhat quick project right? wrong. it has been taking me a lot longer than expected.
besides trying to get my life more organized, i have also been really trying to make life changes as well. first, i have been trying really hard to take my vitamins everyday. for the most part, i do really well. but sometimes, just sometimes, i forget. second, i am trying to get on a more regular sleep schedule. now, you may be laughing when you read this. i am chuckling as i write it. those who know me well, you know that work has turned me into a napping queen. well, i am trying to be better about taking naps, even when i am exhausted. i don't want to sleep my life away, and sometimes that's what i feel like i am doing.
i am not sure if i have ever really talked about it that much before, but i am a huge fan of reality television. go ahead, judge away. knock yourself out. but i love it. from the bachelor to the glee project, if it is reality, i am probably a fan. anyway, for a long time, i would always watch a tv show on my laptop as i would fall asleep. i am trying to kick this bad habit. that's what it is. a bad habit. beds are made for sleeping, not catching up on america's next top model. i am hoping that as i kick this habit, i may rest more peacefully and soundly.
these changes. these changes that i am trying to make, i am trying to improve myself. i am trying to make myself better.
i recently heard this quote, and loved it:

when you know better you must do better...
i know i can live my life better than i am living it now. i want to strive to live a simpler, and better life.

[vegas 2008. my 21st birthday//vegas 2011. amanda's 21st birthday]
[new york new york hotel]

hump day.

growing up.
these last couple of months, or even, the last couple of years, i feel that there has been a lot of growing up. the fact that i am an official nurse now is exciting, but it is scary. what do you do for a living? i am a nurse. that just sounds so grown up. even though my 24th birthday quickly approaches, sometimes i still feel like the geeky eleven year old who was so scared of rejection and what people thought of her. it is so crazy to be pushing 24 and still trying to figure out who you are, and who God created you to be. the fact is, i am still learning. every day. sometimes i feel like it is a constant battle. sometimes it feels like all i have to do is take that leap of faith, but the eleven year old inside of me is still afraid.
it makes me laugh, the fact that when i went off to college i thought i had my life together. i thought i was all grown up. but turns out, i didn't know a thing about life. and sometimes i feel like i still don't. life is a constant journey. a journey of ups, downs, and change. a journey of growing up, every day, even when you are already an adult. a journey of heartache, fears, regrets, mistakes, joys, and triumphs. life is about learning to live with your mistakes, and learning from them. life is about brushing off the cruel words the world throws at you. life is about finding out who you are, who God created you to be, and never losing sight of that.


[yosemite. summer 2010]

hump day.

strength.
you come across people in your life, people that are strong. i really admire those people. my partner had the opportunity to go to joplin, missouri last week to help out with relief work from the tornadoes, and the stories that he brought back with him... they are inspirational, and they reminded of the strength that mankind is capable of, if it chooses to be strong. i don't feel like i should be the one telling any of these stories [i don't feel like they are mine to share], but they are incredible, and have reminded me of a lot. they have reminded me that God is still present in this world, and miracles do happen. they reminded me that there are still good people out in the world, even though so many times we only see hatred and anger. his stories made me want to do more with my life. they reminded me that cities are able to pull together, and work together for the greater good. the stories reminded me that one person's love and compassion, just one, can make a big difference. the things that detoy told me, reminded me that i have so much to be thankful for, and that life shouldn't be about what you do or how much money you make, but it needs to be about giving your life away.
detoy, thank you for inspiring me this week. joplin, mo; you are in my thoughts and prayers.

hump day.

peace.
there is a part of me, a part deep down inside of me, that longs to be at peace. i don't know what it is, i don't know why there is a continuous battle going on deep inside of me, a struggle that i cannot seem to find source of. this battle, i thought it would end when the craziness of these last two years ended, but it hasn't. the pit of my stomach [you know, the part of your stomach that rumbles before a job interview, a first date, or a huge roller coster] is constantly tight. maybe it is because there are so many unknowns. maybe it is because change in on the horizon, and that petrifies me. maybe it is because i am scared i am going to make the wrong decision concerning my future. maybe it is because i am so scared of failure.
i hate this unrest in the pit of my stomach. i long for peace. i long for that feeling of comfort. i long for the feeling in the pit of my stomach to simply disappear. i know God has big plans for me, i simply wish i knew how to better trust him, so that i can be overwhelmed with the peace that i know he has for me.


[baby avery at stephanie's graduation. i love being an aunt]

hump day.

lists.
i am a list maker. not just a casual, jot down a few notes so you don't forget...no. a hardcore, make lists of things you have already done so you can check something off and feel accomplished list maker. it is a little ridiculous, i know, but lists make me happy. they make me feel accomplished. they help motivate me to get things done. sometimes i am convinced that there is no joy like putting a check mark next to an object on your list. lists helped me get through the last 2 years. lists helped keep me sane. i have always been a list maker, and i think i always will.


[slurpee sunday with detoy]

happy wednesday everyone. 3 days.

hump day.

there are only 30 more days, so i felt like this was appropriate...

save the date!
azusa pacific university class of 2011

erin rebecca minnick
bachelor of science in nursing
saturday may 7th, 2011 at six o'clock in the evening
cougar athletic stadium

pinning ceremony for the nursing class of 2011
friday may 6th, 2011 at two o'clock in the afternoon
felix event center

hump day.

bam.
so. today was p r o d u c t i v e. why? you ask. well, more than likely, kara and i found our new home. we fell in love. the place is beautiful [definitely the most beautiful place i have lived post high school]. and our address would be on pch [it's ok, you can be jealous]. perks: townhome, 2-story, hardwood floor, our own washer and dryer, dishwasher, tons of storage, and an optional accent wall [kara, i will be more than happy to pay the $100]. more details to follow, but i am ecstatic.

check it out! we are in love.

hump day.

confused.
i precepted yesterday, and i left the hospital feeling completely confused and frustrated...and it has definitely carried over into today. i hate that feeling, the feeling that your life has been taken over by chaos, but you aren't sure how to get rid of it, or even how it got there.
i feel like i usually am pretty confident in clinical [that is not meant to sound cocky at all..], but yesterday i felt like i was robbed of all my confidence. i felt so, well, dumb. that is the worst feeling in the world. i also came to the scary conclusion, i don't know if i have enough emotion and caring to be a good nurse. don't get me wrong, i know how to be nice to my patients, but the caring aspect, that is what i am worried about. i have been so focused on putting up walls for years, that i feel like i have lost the ability to care. i am afraid that if i start letting these walls fall down, i would be an emotional wreck, all the time. so i have kept these walls up, and have nailed them together, tight. i hate getting hurt, or more so, i hate that i feel like i don't have that one person that i can run to when i do get hurt. and i hate that i don't know how to rely on God during those times of agony...i still have a lot of learning and growing to do. even though i am excited about graduation, the fact that nursing very well might become my life in a few short weeks [if i can get a job] petrifies me. i don't know if i have what it takes to do it. i feel like these past two and a half years have just sucked the life out of me, and i have nothing left to give. i feel like i have no more "caring" inside of me. i am simply drained, and desperately need someone to refill me. i am so, overwhelmingly, spent.
Lord, please teach me, and help me truly learn, how to rely and lean on you when i have nothing left to give.

hump day.

my existence.
with a paper due today, a case study due tomorrow [and to all my non-nursing friends, these are beast papers...we are talking 50-60 pages...], and a critical care test on monday; my existence has not become a pretty sight. my existence has become sitting at my kitchen table, in my pajamas, glasses and all, in front of my computer...for hours on end. i am having a really hard time staying motivated. i am just praying that i get sleep tonight [remember, beast paper is due tomorrow]. so, i apologize world for being a hermit this week, but i am working towards the letters behind my name. oh how excited i am to have a social life again...2 years of no social life was plenty for me, thankyouverymuch. happy hump day everyone!


[my existence this week]

hump day.

the simple things.
i have come to realize, that i love the simple things in life. i don't like getting all dolled up, i am much more comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt. i am not a huge fan of having a night on the town, i would much rather spend a morning at starbucks spending quality time with a good friend. i don't like huge birthday parties, but prefer a simple dinner with my close friends. i prefer quality, not quantity. i love quiet saturdays filled with hot tea, a couch, and favorite movies. i love pictures of friends and family hanging on the wall, and not expensive pieces of art. i would rather go hiking then spending a night at a club. i prefer rainbows over heels. i prefer cooking my own meals at home, then spending money and going to a restaurant. the majority of my wardrobe is from target [nope, i am not ashamed], and not nordstroms. i don't spend hours putting on make-up [you are lucky if i manage to put on mascara]. i prefer to spend valentines day at home with a self cooked meal and a movie [thanks for a great night margie!], rather than a night in the city. maybe i don't just love the simple things in life, maybe i am merely a simple kind of person, and i am glad that i am.


[on top of half dome. yosemite, ca. summer 2010]

hump day.

decisions.
sometimes i wish life didn't come with decisions. or more so, that i didn't have emotions and feelings to alter decisions. i hate that my good intentions and the decisions that i make to follow through on those good intentions are overpowered by exhaustion. i wish that i simply knew what was going to happen...and the fear that my decisions are going to lead me to a negative place, where i am not intended to be. i hate when i don't know what i am really feeling, and that feel like i can't even trust myself. i hate that i have fear that i am going to regret the decisions that i am making now in the future. i wish that i trusted God more. i wish that i heard God's voice more clearly. i wish i could discern his will from my desires. i hate days when i feel lost.


[oldie but goodie]

hump day.

just 1.
so i decided to be really honest today. actually, for those of you who really know me this won't be a shocker at all. but for those of you who are more of my acquaintance, brace yourself. i don't really date. yes, you heard me right, i just took it there, i don't really date. take a deep breath, i am not one of those nerds whose social life consists of themselves and their x-box [it is more like me and my reality tv! ha!]. it's not like i don't date at all, but i have never been that type of person to go on dates every weekend with a different person each weekend. i just haven't. i don't know if it because i get attached easily [and i am just protecting my heart], or if it is the fact that i have never really had the desire to date a million different people, but i simply don't. let's just say that i don't need more than one hand to count the number of people that i have dated in my life time. and don't get me wrong, i am perfectly ok with that. i strongly believe in quality, not quantity.
now, i was inspired to write this post as a response to a recent goal that i made with a friend who's dating life is similar to mine. 1 date. yes, you heard me [well, essentially us] right. our goal this semester is to simply go on 1 date. now, to the average person, this sounds ridiculous, i realize that. and i may very well regret posting this tomorrow, but i just felt the need for some honesty here. so yes, 1 date. and this is a [bigger] deal for a person who doesn't really date [at all], and who hasn't been on a date in, well, [a considerable amount of time]. it will be interesting to see if i actually meet this goal. but i am trying to branch out of my comfort zone. and put myself out there more [this goes along with my new years resolution of embracing my life]. so we will see if this goal is accomplished before may 7th, i am just glad that i have a dear friend with a similar goal :]

just because...

[bridesmaids at my sister's wedding, june 2009]

hump day.

100 days.
100 days. in 100 days i will finally be done with this journey. i will get to sign my name erin rebecca minnick, bsn [and shorting after... rn, bsn, phn]. i am ecstatic. this number getting smaller each day gives me motivation to keep going. to keep fighting on. i am trying really hard to not think about the million things that i need to accomplish before may 7th, but it is ok. this is the final lap, the final victory lap. ahhhh, i am just so excited.
and on a side note, i got to spend the afternoon with my old partner katie thompson. thompson, that you for bringing me cookies [i swear you are going to make me diabetic], thank you for sharing your heart, and thank you for listening to my current struggles [and asking to see my newly formed arm muscles]. you are the best. and i love you.






[a few snapshots of our last shift together as partners]
happy hump day everyone!

hump day.

fresh cut grass.
i love the smell of fresh cut grass. it takes me back. it takes me back to a place in my childhood. one full of innocence. one without the stress, fear, and chaos that this world holds. fresh cut grass takes me back to a place of happiness, joy, summertime, smiles, laughter. fresh cut grass takes me back to a place where my siblings were my best friends, my dad was my protector, and my mom was superwoman. there are days that i long to go back to the days of fresh cut grass. today is one of those days. i wish i could leave the chaos, hurt, anger, and craziness of this world, and go back to when life was simple. i wish i could go back to the time when my saturdays were filled with the smell of fresh cut grass.



happy wednesday everyone!