hump day.

true.
even though i am not proud to say it, i can be easily influenced by others. i have a hard time making decisions for myself. i have a hard time being true to myself. i hate that i care so much what other people think. or what certain people think. i feel that i have lost myself and the things that i am truly passionate about by trying to blend in with the crowd. i don't like being the different one. i just want to blend in. i wish my heart didn't long for acceptance.

changes need to be made. i can't keep going through life so focused on what other people think. or what other people's opinions are. that is no way to truly live. i need to take time and discover what the desires of my heart are, and no one else. i have been selling myself short, and i deserve a lot more than that.

making gains.

so i don't think i ever really mentioned last week that i was having my orange county fire authority interview on tuesday. i know that i mentioned that i was nervous, and feeling stressed, but i never actually said why i was feeling this way.

anywho, i think the interview went well, but it is hard to say this was my first fire department interview ever. one of the issues that the panel wanted to talk with me about was fitness, and what i have been doing to prepare myself for the fire service. i spoke of what i have been doing to prepare, and tried to paint them a picture of my workouts, but deep inside, i got nervous. females definitely have a harder time strength wise in the fire service, because we simply are not built the same way as men. so we have to work twice as hard to even be near the same level as the guys. and that's ok, i have accepted that.

but i have never been this big buff person. if you look at pictures of me in high school and throughout the first part of college, i look like a 12-year old anorexic girl. i have always been really active, but until i started pursuing the fire service, building up my strength was such a foreign concept.

so since the interview, i have really been trying to hit the gym hard. i have really been trying to work on increasing my strength. the fire service is something that i really want, and it is something that i know people think i won't be able to do. and i wouldn't be true to myself if i wasn't trying to prove everybody wrong.

so, going back to the phrase that detoy came up with at the beginning of this year, it's beast year 2011. watch out world, it's time to get ripped.

now for a little motivation...happy tuesday everyone!

nerves.

i am using all the strength within me to not let my nerves get the best of me this morning. i woke up this morning with that horrible pit in my stomach. it is mornings like this that i am thankful that i can turn to my Savior for comfort, for encouragement, for strength.

i was reminded of this verse this morning; and through this verse, was reminded of Christ's faithfulness.

whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...
colossians 3:23

so i am going to face today, with strength. i am going to face today knowing that what i do is for the glory of God, not man.



[source]


[source]

white collared shirt.

as i mentioned in my previous blog, my brother came and stayed with me for a couple days. it was so much fun getting to spend some time with him especially since that isn't something that happens that often! the main reason that he came up was because the two of us were riding out with lacofd fire station 14 in south central los angeles. this is one of the stations that i have been running with during my time with mccormick, so it definitely was fun being on the other side of things! the ride along was awesome. all of the guys were so helpful and so enthusiastic about having us there. it ended up being not that busy of a day, which was very surprising, so we ended up having a lot of time to drill at the station. we got to practice throwing ladders, putting on scba's [air tanks], etc. the day really got to expose nathan to the fire service, which is what i wanted to do [since he is thinking about pursuing firefighting]. and it was also just a great day to get to know the guys from station 14 better. i have been working alongside them for 2 1/2 years, and it was just awesome to actually get to have time to talk to them and hear more about their life stories. so, fire station 14, thank you. thank you for a great day and some awesome memories! i am so glad that i still get to see you guys when i am working as a nurse!
that reminds me, side note. i got my official start date for my new job. my first day as a nurse is going to be august 18th. which makes my last day at mccormick august 12th. eeeeeee. so. many. mixed. emotions. but more on that later. here are some photos from the day...enjoy!


[nathan at fire station 14.]


[nathan's first time throwing ladders!]


[ffpm duran and ffpm montgomery showing him the ropes.]


[my turn to practice throwing a 14ft ladder one man.]




[nathan with engine and squad 14.]


[top: nathan and i with ffpm montgomery.]
[bottom: nathan and i with ffpm duran, ffpm montgomery, ffpm conner, and captain gus. thank you guys! it was great!]


[nathan and i sporting our new 14s t-shirt!]

greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
john 15:13

encouragement.

it has been such a long and exhausting weekend. oy. today was the first time in a while that i suffered from a pounding headache and blurred vision [which probably isn't a good thing] because i was tired...i caved...and i napped for 2 hours. anyway, i just wanted to take a moment and thank a couple people for being amazing this weekend. detoy, thank you for pushing me to my limits. thank you for believing in me. i know that when i make it in the fire service, i will have you to thank for the majority of it. and stanley and lam...thank you for being awesome today. your encouragement is so very much appreciated it. it's been a slow and steady journey gentlemen...but i will get there...i promise you that. i was definitely reminded today how blessed i truly am. God's grace is so extravagent, and it is so amazing how you can see his love through the actions of others.

i'm not giving up. that is what i have to remember this week...i can't give up.

this is the start of something good [don't you agree]?

yesterday marked the start of a journey. a journey that was started nearly a year ago, but yesterday, it officially began. the journey to become a firefighter. the first test was passed. a test that seemed nearly impossible a year ago, is now something that you look at as just another task that has been completed. california physically agility test, nearly a year ago it seemed impossible, as of yesterday it has been accomplished. time to move on to bigger things. bigger challenges. time to move on to better prepare yourself for the fire service. excitement. ready to prove the world wrong. you can do this. you are doing this. your first application has been submitted.



now you wait, with hope and anticipation.