soothing the soul.

i recently had a conversation with a friend about peace, and having peace on this earth. i told him how i have been longing for peace; his response:

"i doubt we ever will have that peace. we weren't built for this place. at least not our souls...i don't think God wants us to be completely comfortable here."
i am still wrestling with this idea. even though i know it is so true, it doesn't change the fact that my soul is yearning for more. maybe that is my soul longing for more of Christ? and i still haven't come to that realization yet.
i do want to share a few moments when my soul was at such a peace this weekend. i went with grace to the sarah bareilles concert in hollywood [first concert ever! it was amazing!] on friday...and let me just say this, sarah b. is one of those artists that speaks to my heart. a good majority of her songs brings me to tears. anyway, i waited anxiously the entire concert for her to sing my all time favorite song, "gravity." and then, at the very end, she sang it a capella. let me tell you, it was absolutely beautiful. there were tears. happy tears. it was amazing. here is the video for all of you who didn't get to see sarah b. in action...



and, on a side note, i am currently somewhat obsessed for the artist that opened for sarah, joshua radin. he is another phenomenal artist. he is one of those artists that you listen to when you are studying, sitting in a coffee shop, or you just need a good cry. i am currently in love with his song, "brand new day." here is him singing it at the concert. i hope it brightens your day, and helps you find the peace you are searching for.

rut.

thoughts...

i'll be honest, i had a picture in my head of what my adult life would look like. i had a picture in my head of what life post-graduation was going to look like. what life would be like without homework, papers, and sleepless nights. i had a picture in my head that my life would simply fall into place. i had the feeling that i would be filled with so much joy, peace, and contentment in the months following graduation. i still have a picture in my head of what i want my life to look like; but i just can't seem to get there.

i don't know what it is. my soul longs for contentment. my soul longs to be excited to wake up in the morning and face a new day. my soul longs to pour my love into another.

i am in a rut. i have been in a rut for a while. and i hate that i am. i know that the peace i am searching for only comes from Christ, and i don't know why i am having such a hard time facing that fact.

even though change has been the theme to this year, it is still something my heart longs. what is it about the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality? i don't want to live my life with that attitude, and i can feel myself living in that mindset everyday.

i said it in a post at the end of last year, that i want my life to begin, and i feel that i am in the same place. i guess i simply don't know what to do to make a change.

this rut, i want it to be rid of it. oh so badly.

so please pray for me friends. please pray that i can find peace in my life. please pray that i can be thankful for the many blessings Christ has showered me with. please pray that i learn how be content.

and on a side note, take a couple minutes to listen to this beautiful rendition of (i can't help) fall in love with you by ingrid michaelson. it is absolutely beautiful.

hump day.

mixed thoughts and feelings.

it is a weird place to be in. not knowing if what you are feeling is from your heart, or your head. or simply, not knowing what you are feeling at all.

it is a weird place to be in. when you reason with yourself. when you try to convince yourself that what you are feeling is wrong. or that you need to be feeling a different way.

it is a weird place to be in. wondering if you are the only person to struggle with this. with this thing. with this thing of figuring out your own feelings. with this thing of trying to figure out what it truly means to be you. to figure out and learn who you are.

i wish i was a quicker learner.

[side note, lady antebellum's new album was released yesterday. take a couple minutes to listen to my new favorite song, amazing! happy wednesday everyone!]

hump day.

adventure.

first things first, i realize that i have been mia. this week has been so incredibly busy, and i am definitely still adjusting to the new job. and if we are being perfectly honest, i have simply been exhausted.

anyway. moving on. i don't know how many of you have read my about me page located right over there ---> [it is the link pur-suh-veer-uhns...just to clear up any confusion]. well, on that page i mention that i am an adrenaline junky. it is true. anything that will get my blood flowing, sign me up! i honestly think this is the reason why i love emergency medicine so much...but not to get sidetracked...

well, this past sunday, i got to do something that truly got my adrenaline going. can you guess what it is? i went bungee jumping!! yes. you read that right. and let me tell you, it was the coolest thing ever!!

i went with my friend matt and his gf jessi. we went to bungee america in azusa [i lived in azusa for 2 years and didn't know this existed. crazy huh], where we jumped off the bridge to nowhere. if any of you watch the bachelor, this is the same bridge that jake and vienna jumped off on their first date. it was about a 5 mile hike to get to the bridge, so we were definitely pumped when we finally arrived.

i did two different jumps, and matt and jessi both did three. it seriously, was the coolest experience ever! and gives you an adrenaline high. i was pretty nervous before i jumped off. but the second i jumped i was on cloud 9. it is an experience i definitely recommend for all of you adventure seekers! it was a good amount of hiking [10 miles round trip], but definitely worth it.

now here are some photos and a video from our day of adventure! enjoy!

happy hump day everyone!


[fast forward to 1:35...5,4,3,2,1 bungee!]

2 weeks.

it's official. my days of working as an emt are numbered. i turned in my 2 weeks notice yesterday. it was weird. really weird. this job, those people, those sirens, have been such a big part of my life for so long. it is so weird to be leaving it. to be completely honest, i have so many mixed emotions right now. so many.

i guess you can say, that i really grew up at this place. saying that i learned a lot about life is an understatement. i learned a lot about life, love, trust, strength, death, humility, friendship, and what it truly means to be there for someone. i learned how to take a joke. i learned that this thing called life is precious, and no one can escape the inevitable. this place taught me how to put a smile on your face even when you are miserable. this place showed me that i am capable of a lot more than i thought i was.

i know a lot of people just see this place as a job. but this place was my second home. my coworkers are my family. i feel like i am losing a part of me.

those sirens. those sirens have been the soundtrack of my life for the last 2 1/2 years. it is going to be a weird adjustment for them not to be playing in the background anymore.

but life is about moving on. so this is me, trying to be grateful for the memories in my past, and looking forward to my future. 4 more shifts. inglewood, let's make these shifts good.

here are some memories from the last couple of years...it's ok, you can laugh. i know i do. happy tuesday friends.


[spring 2009. me and my old partner katie.]


[top: 4th of july 2009.]
[bottom: january 2010. katie's last day at station 9.]


[december 2009. i left my car at the station for a day, that was a mistake.]


[fall 2010. detoy ironing the sheet on the gurney//spring 2011. rudy practicing scene safety.]


[spring 2011. eric providing great customer service//a station 9 favorite...golden bowl!]


[top: fall 2010. detoy and my trainee jd at magic johnson park in south central.]
[bottom: summer 2009. me and a sheared hydrant.]


[spring 2011. rescue mission in malibu.]


[graduation present from the station...helmet shield!//may 2011. me and some of the station 9 family at my nursing pinning.]


[fall 2010. being the target of a practical joke.]

doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.
wayne dyer

do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed - there's so little competition.
elbert hubbard

the dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
mark twain

choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
confucius proverb

confession.

ok. here is a confession for you. one that i honestly never thought i would say. alright. brace yourself. you ready? alright, i have become a country music fanatic. there it is, i said it. it is out in the world.
it all began last summer, when i began working with detoy. he is a country music lover through and through, and so whenever it was his turn to pick the radio station, it was either gocountry105.1 or kfrog95.1, and that's it.
i can actually pinpoint the main song that got me hooked. it was the song of last summer. it was the song that detoy was obsessed with. water by brad paisley [fantastic summer song. this is me highly recommending it].



some of the reasons why i have fallen in love with country music.

1. the songs are about life. none of this "let's go to the club and get sexed up" stuff. no. the songs are about love, mistakes, heartaches, and happiness.

2. gocountry105.1 plays the national anthem every weekday morning at 6am. can you think of a better way to start your drive to work? yeah, neither can i.

3. the music videos bring me to tears. now for those who know me, i'm sure that doesn't come as a big surprise considering i cry during the opening ceremony of the olympics, but they do. and i love that.

4. you can actually sing along to the songs. now yes, i definitely do enjoy my occasional nicki minaj, but i am not ghetto fabulous enough to keep up with her incredibly fast rapping.

5. lady antebellum, brad paisley, taylor swift, miranda lambert, blake shelton...enough said.

and speaking of music videos bringing me to tears, watch this video just a kiss by lady antebellum. it is simply beautiful. this is the type of love that i want.



and on a side note, i have exciting news. I GOT A JOB! i am going to be an official emergency room nurse. but more on that tomorrow. happy weekend everyone! and for all of you here is los angeles with me, i don't think carmageddon is going to be as bad as we thought...

oh, and one more thing. my amazing roommate kara made this video from our recent trip to yosemite! she did such a good job, i just had to share it.

dear 16 year old me.

i recently saw this film on a friend's blog. it is titled "dear 16 year old me," and it a collection of individuals sharing what they would say to their 16 year old self. i am not going to say what the film is about, but watch it. seriously. and make sure you grab a box of tissues before you do, because it is a powerful tear jerker. anyway, i decided to use the film as an inspiration for today's post. and i decided to write a little something to the 16 year old me.

erin,
you are too serious. actually, you take life too seriously. stop it. life is meant for fun. stop living your life in fear and start having a little bit of fun. you are 16, not 26. you are not suppose to have your entire life figured out by now, so stop trying to. you have plenty of time.

i know you are trying to keep your hair long and beautiful, cut it. you look so much better with shorter hair. and it is so much healthier. and on that note, you are way too uptight about your appearance. and wearing makeup. and making sure your hair is perfectly straight. trust me, all of that will go out the window in a few short years. and it will become a rare occasion for you to wear makeup.

i know you think the struggles that you are going through right now are the end of the world, but they are not. you are going to come out on the other side, a stronger person.

you are stronger than you think you are. you aren't pushing yourself to your full potential. you actually won't start really pushing yourself until you're in your 20s. but when you do, you hit it hard. prepare yourself.

enjoy this time with your family. you are not going to see this that often when you go off to college. and i know at the time you don't mind it, but you will regret it later. i know your mom tells you this, but friends come and go, but your family is with you forever. cherish them.

you get tattoos! and more piercings. yes, i know, little miss conservative you gets tattoos, and you absolutely love them. and you end up with 8 piercings [don't worry, they are all in your ears].

it is going to take you 6 years to finish your bachelor's degree. you will transfer schools. you will change majors. you will be rejected. but the journey you go through will be absolutely worth it in the end.

i know you think you want to get married when you are 20 or 21, but guess what? you don't. you are still single at 23, and you love it. so don't freak out when you go through college and don't meet your husband, it is ok. you are enjoying your life and finding out what God's plan is for you. so it's ok.

you settle down in los angeles. i know i know, never thought that would happen did you? well, you do. and you love it. you develop a heart for this city.

you absolutely love being outside. camping. hiking. don't deny it when you get dragged on family vacations, these will become your most favorite vacation and pasttime.

you stay friends with kara. you stay best friends with her. you guys actually end up living together when you are 23. cherish her friendship, she is such a blessing to you.

you are going to teach at ucla. i am not going to tell you what, that is going to be a surprise. but just know this, you have exciting adventures in your future.

you will hit low points over your college career. i mean, really low points. you will question who you are and what you want to do with your life. but don't lose faith. keep going.

and lastly, brace yourself, you go through this time, a phase, where you question your faith. the thing that you considered you essence basically your entire life. you question it. you cry. you yell. you live in a state of confusion. but you come out the other side a stronger, more confident person. you grow to learn what it really means to have a relationship with Christ.

you will stay addicted to coffee. you will stop drinking soda. you are going to be a completely different person than you expected yourself to be. but don't worry, different in a good way.

sincerely,
23 year old self

nurses hike garcia.

yesterday after another overwhelming morning in critical care lecture, i went on an awesome hike up garcia trail with three other nursing girls [kia, deanna, and daniela!!]. it was, wait for it, legend...dairy [how i met your mother...anyone? anyone?] anywho, it was awesome. i had been wanting to go on a hike for such a long time, so it was so good to finally get to satisfy my nature itch. it was such perfect weather, and such great company...perfect combination for a good time. how i have lived in azusa for 2 years and never hiked the famous garcia trail is beyond me. and disclaimer...please just ignore how i gross i look in the pictures below...i still hadn't showered from getting off work that morning, and had just hiked over a mile in the sun...don't judge me.









on a side note, i want a dog. really bad. this isn't anything new, but it is a desire that has grown incredibly over the last few months. yesterday i was searching on craigslist [great utilization of time, i know], and found this dog named sugar. i want her. who has a house that i can keep her at until may when i move? and the video below just melts my heart. why do i do this to myself? who knows. but seriously, someone go save sugar for me...

it's monday.

it's monday. boy, is it monday. we had our first critical care test today. it actually wasn't as bad as everyone was expecting.phew. that is all i have to say. 1 down, 4 to go! and there are 95 days left till graduation in case you were wondering. the rest of this week is going to be busy. actually, i think the word busy is an understatement...paper due wednesday, 1st case study due thursday, work friday, pals [that's pediatric advanced life support for all of my non-medical friends] saturday, and work again on sunday. shoot.
on a side note, i got to have dinner with my old roommate emily on saturday. and can i just say, life is so much better when you live it intentionally. mankind is not an island, and i am so glad that i have really been living my life according to that. God created us to be in fellowship with one another, not to go through this life alone. wow. that was a tangent. anyway, emily. we had dinner on saturday [and it gave me a nice break from studying for my test]. and she was so sweet and brought me flowers as a house warming gift [because this was her first trip to my house]! i absolutely love fresh flowers, so this just made my week! aren't they beautiful...







and i am on the neurological icu tomorrow at clinical...which makes me kind of nervous. cranial nerves have never been my strong point. this is going to be interesting...

happy monday everyone!