hump day.

bam.
so. today was p r o d u c t i v e. why? you ask. well, more than likely, kara and i found our new home. we fell in love. the place is beautiful [definitely the most beautiful place i have lived post high school]. and our address would be on pch [it's ok, you can be jealous]. perks: townhome, 2-story, hardwood floor, our own washer and dryer, dishwasher, tons of storage, and an optional accent wall [kara, i will be more than happy to pay the $100]. more details to follow, but i am ecstatic.

check it out! we are in love.

40 days and 40 nights.

to those of you who read my blog religiously, i want to apologize for my consistent excitement about my graduation on may 7th. may i add, that this is occurring in 40 short days. 40 [insert ecstatic comments and screaming here]. 6 years of school... filled with anger, frustration, tears, confusion, laughter, joy, and heartaches...6 years, and i have reached the last 40 days. i can hardly believe it. it still hasn't hit me. the fact that in 40 days i can no longer call myself a student. i feel like i am going to go through an identity crisis, so much of who i have been over these years has been based on my identity as a student, and that will be gone. just a walk across that stage, a turning of a tassel, and my college career is going to be over. it's weird. no more early morning study sessions at the bucks. no more $300 spent on books for 1 semester. no more 70 page case studies. no more of having guilt in the pit of your stomach when you spend an evening with friends because you know you should be studying. no more...i have a feeling that i won't even know what to do with my self. i am starting to make a list of everything that i want to do after graduation...to keep me busy...so that the adjustment of post-graduation isn't such a shocker. i am looking forward to who i am going to be after i am done with school. i am excited about where my life is going to take me, and what God has in store for me! if anything, the last 6 years have definitely taught me that God has a sense of humor and we can always expect the unexpected...i am ready, willing, and waiting to see what the unexpected is.


[i am definitely looking forward to spending more time with these people after graduation!]

hollywood.

so, in the hustle and bustle of this week, i have yet to write about the fun evening i had with the best friend last sunday. we went and saw beauty and the beast! it was absolutely amazing, it reminded me of how much i love musicals. and it reminded me of my old broadway dreams [but that is a story for a different time...]. anywho, we had dinner at my house, and then had a very rainy drive to hollywood. the show was absolutely amazing, and it was such a fun and relaxing night. and it definitely was a little snapshot of life in a couple of months [and i am so excited about it!].

















have a great weekend everyone!

hump day.

confused.
i precepted yesterday, and i left the hospital feeling completely confused and frustrated...and it has definitely carried over into today. i hate that feeling, the feeling that your life has been taken over by chaos, but you aren't sure how to get rid of it, or even how it got there.
i feel like i usually am pretty confident in clinical [that is not meant to sound cocky at all..], but yesterday i felt like i was robbed of all my confidence. i felt so, well, dumb. that is the worst feeling in the world. i also came to the scary conclusion, i don't know if i have enough emotion and caring to be a good nurse. don't get me wrong, i know how to be nice to my patients, but the caring aspect, that is what i am worried about. i have been so focused on putting up walls for years, that i feel like i have lost the ability to care. i am afraid that if i start letting these walls fall down, i would be an emotional wreck, all the time. so i have kept these walls up, and have nailed them together, tight. i hate getting hurt, or more so, i hate that i feel like i don't have that one person that i can run to when i do get hurt. and i hate that i don't know how to rely on God during those times of agony...i still have a lot of learning and growing to do. even though i am excited about graduation, the fact that nursing very well might become my life in a few short weeks [if i can get a job] petrifies me. i don't know if i have what it takes to do it. i feel like these past two and a half years have just sucked the life out of me, and i have nothing left to give. i feel like i have no more "caring" inside of me. i am simply drained, and desperately need someone to refill me. i am so, overwhelmingly, spent.
Lord, please teach me, and help me truly learn, how to rely and lean on you when i have nothing left to give.

hump day.

birthday [a day late].
so i was working yesterday...and i didn't get a chance to post my special birthday message for dad yesterday. so here it is...a day late.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

love you more than you will ever know. thank you for your constant love, support, and encouragement.

"boyfriend" sweatshirt.

i have someone that i want you to meet. someone that is near and dear to my heart. please meet, my "boyfriend" sweatshirt.



now girls, please admit it. it is something that we all do [don't try to pretend like you don't]. you go over to your boyfriend's house, "forget" your sweatshirt, borrow one of his...and then he never sees it again. it is big, old, and smells delightful. it accompanies you home, and it becomes your favorite piece of apparel to lounge around the house/sleep in. we all do it. it is simply the girl thing to do. and boys, if you simply give your significant other one of your old sweatshirts, it would make our lives much easier.

now, some of you may seem a bit confused, thinking that i do not have a boy to steal a sweatshirt from, and you are correct. let me tell you the story behind this sweatshirt...

one day, my partner katie and i were driving down the streets of inglewood and were stopped at a stop light. we look over, and there is a man waving his hands franticly, trying to get our attention. katie rolls down the the driver's window slowly [we are inglewood people, part of me was thinking that i was going to get shot...], and a man hands us a big blue old mccormick sweatshirt, and informs us that a guy left this at his house when he had called 911. the man then got back into his car, and drove away. we looked at each other, thinking "what on earth just happened?", and then fell in love with the sweatshirt. we said that we were going to "share it" [after many many washings of course]. katie got it first. she kept it for a few months, and then surprised me with it when i finished my first full year of nursing school, that was nearly a year ago, and i still have the sweatshirt... i have fallen in love with it. it had become that piece of clothing that provides comfort, happiness, and a sense of love. weird, i know. but sometimes when i wear it, it reminds me of the feeling of a real boyfriend sweatshirt...that feeling of belonging. that feeling of home. so sorry katie, i hate to break it to you, but you probably aren't going to get another turn with the sweatshirt for a while. it is big, old, warn, smells delicious, and makes me feel loved.

encouragement.

it has been such a long and exhausting weekend. oy. today was the first time in a while that i suffered from a pounding headache and blurred vision [which probably isn't a good thing] because i was tired...i caved...and i napped for 2 hours. anyway, i just wanted to take a moment and thank a couple people for being amazing this weekend. detoy, thank you for pushing me to my limits. thank you for believing in me. i know that when i make it in the fire service, i will have you to thank for the majority of it. and stanley and lam...thank you for being awesome today. your encouragement is so very much appreciated it. it's been a slow and steady journey gentlemen...but i will get there...i promise you that. i was definitely reminded today how blessed i truly am. God's grace is so extravagent, and it is so amazing how you can see his love through the actions of others.

i'm not giving up. that is what i have to remember this week...i can't give up.

hump day.

my existence.
with a paper due today, a case study due tomorrow [and to all my non-nursing friends, these are beast papers...we are talking 50-60 pages...], and a critical care test on monday; my existence has not become a pretty sight. my existence has become sitting at my kitchen table, in my pajamas, glasses and all, in front of my computer...for hours on end. i am having a really hard time staying motivated. i am just praying that i get sleep tonight [remember, beast paper is due tomorrow]. so, i apologize world for being a hermit this week, but i am working towards the letters behind my name. oh how excited i am to have a social life again...2 years of no social life was plenty for me, thankyouverymuch. happy hump day everyone!


[my existence this week]

just humor me.

so, i really try to separate my life and not talk about work on my blog. why you ask? well, i think when i first started working i let work become my life, and let's face it, that is simply not healthy. sometimes though, it's hard. especially when you spend 1/3 of your life at work. anywho, that was a tangent. the reason that i am writing about work is because they released the top ten people who ran the most calls in 2010. and, ladies and gentlemen, wait for it...drum roll please....i was number 4. i ran 1,216 calls last year. and can i add, that was with barely any overtime, cashing in 4 days of paid time off, and having to give away a couple of shifts because of school. actually, 6 out of the top 10 people were from my station. bam. maybe you don't work in ems, and this number means nothing to you, but that breaks down to about 11 transports a shift [which is a lot].
my friend [and old partner] rudy took the number 1 spot. he ran nearly 1,500 calls. that is a lot of calls people. a lot of calls. he gave himself the title lifesaver of the year. as you can see below, he is always prepared, always ready...





thank you for humoring me...i promise i won't write about work for at least a while. time to get get back to my coffee and case study #2! happy tuesday everyone!

and on a side note, when on earth did MARCH get here!! this year is simply flying by... oh, and i OFFICIALLY registered for the tough mudder a couple days ago. woohoo! have a lot of training to do before the end of may...