i absolutely love being your aunt, you light up my life.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
quintin cash.
i absolutely love being your aunt, you light up my life.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
time for a change.
i complain. this is something that i am not proud of. not one bit. and something, that i have honestly been trying to fix, for a long time. whether it is exhaustion from being up all night at work...having to write a 50-page case study for school...i have a tendency to complain each step of the way. why you ask? i have no idea. especially since i hate complaining from other people. it is immature, selfish, and simply annoying. and yet, i DO IT! i have chosen my life path...my major, my job...the only person that i can blame for my incredible lack of sleep is myself, so i don't need to be whining about my exhaustion to others.
call me a dork, but i have a 3x5 card taped on my closet door with the words...
"what do you want to be?
a firefighter.
so start living like it."
one thing that i have come to admire from my time working in EMS and building relationships with my colleagues are their incredible attitudes and awesome work ethic, which is something that i long to develop. when i talk to rescue 57s at the hospital, not once have they ever complained with how BUSY they are. but rather they ask how your day has been. they chose that busy station, so they suck it up, do work, and keep a good attitude about it. they persevere through the pain. i long to develop this ability. so if you read, and i complain to you later, you have permission to slap me. tell me that i will be stronger because of it :]
now for a little flashback!
you can laugh, because i do. this was me on move-in day at biola university in 2005. the start of my undergrad career! crazy to think how quickly this adventure is quickly coming to a close 6 years later...
call me a dork, but i have a 3x5 card taped on my closet door with the words...
"what do you want to be?
a firefighter.
so start living like it."
one thing that i have come to admire from my time working in EMS and building relationships with my colleagues are their incredible attitudes and awesome work ethic, which is something that i long to develop. when i talk to rescue 57s at the hospital, not once have they ever complained with how BUSY they are. but rather they ask how your day has been. they chose that busy station, so they suck it up, do work, and keep a good attitude about it. they persevere through the pain. i long to develop this ability. so if you read, and i complain to you later, you have permission to slap me. tell me that i will be stronger because of it :]
you can laugh, because i do. this was me on move-in day at biola university in 2005. the start of my undergrad career! crazy to think how quickly this adventure is quickly coming to a close 6 years later...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
skin tight jeans...
i am in my mental health rotation right now, and i am really trying to make the most of it. for someone who is [incredibly] task oriented, it was almost a death sentence to be told to simply sit and talk to people for 6 hours twice a week. i say it again, i really am trying people.
anyway, one of the patients that i was talking to tonight made a statement that really made me stop and think...he said that "optimists really expect too much from the world." wow. since i [typically] view myself as an optimists i really took this statement to heart. do i expect too much out of the world? no, i don't think so. i think i have faith. faith in God, faith in others, faith in humanity. yes, the world can be a horrible place, i am reminded of this every single day [especially the days that i go to work]. but there is still goodness in the world, this i am convinced of. and the more that i learn about God and fall in love with him, the more i am convinced that there is a bigger plan for my life. me being an optimist doesn't mean that i expect too much from the world, but that i know that God will take care of me through it all. God has a plan for my life, even when it seems that my life is spinning out of control. i cling to this promise, sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through the day.
on a side note, i don't know if i have ever shared my love for a cappella music [especially male a cappella groups. anyone? anyone?]. it makes my heart sore. good music soothes my soul, and i definitely group a cappella in this category. in addition, i am somewhat of a closet katy perry [or better referred to as kp] fan. as well as a fan of the show glee. so you can imagine how i felt about this scene in the most recent episode. and for those of you that know of my addiction to itunes, yes, this song has already been downloaded and listened to on repeat. all day. current play count is 33. don't judge me...
anyway, one of the patients that i was talking to tonight made a statement that really made me stop and think...he said that "optimists really expect too much from the world." wow. since i [typically] view myself as an optimists i really took this statement to heart. do i expect too much out of the world? no, i don't think so. i think i have faith. faith in God, faith in others, faith in humanity. yes, the world can be a horrible place, i am reminded of this every single day [especially the days that i go to work]. but there is still goodness in the world, this i am convinced of. and the more that i learn about God and fall in love with him, the more i am convinced that there is a bigger plan for my life. me being an optimist doesn't mean that i expect too much from the world, but that i know that God will take care of me through it all. God has a plan for my life, even when it seems that my life is spinning out of control. i cling to this promise, sometimes it is the only thing that gets me through the day.
on a side note, i don't know if i have ever shared my love for a cappella music [especially male a cappella groups. anyone? anyone?]. it makes my heart sore. good music soothes my soul, and i definitely group a cappella in this category. in addition, i am somewhat of a closet katy perry [or better referred to as kp] fan. as well as a fan of the show glee. so you can imagine how i felt about this scene in the most recent episode. and for those of you that know of my addiction to itunes, yes, this song has already been downloaded and listened to on repeat. all day. current play count is 33. don't judge me...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
it's been a while...
it's been a while since i have posted anything here.
it has been a weird semester. first, i have had to make the adjustment to living by myself. not that this has been a bad adjustment, but it has just been different. i definitely feel that it has placed a different sense of stress on me, it is weird to explain. anyway, but overall, it has been great. i will say though, i would be lying if i didn't, i do get lonely last night. like last night, when i felt so sick, and all i wanted was to have someone reach out and give me a hug, and i had no one to turn to. all i had was the darkness and quiet of my room. i guess God is really trying to teach me to rely on him. i cannot rely on others. i cannot depend on others. i need to learn to cast all my cares on him.
i have been wrestling a lot within myself recently. i feel that there is an inner battle going on inside of me that i don't know how to win. i feel so lost. when i am at work, i am happy. i am home. i am content. i want to do that forever. yet, i have slim periods, or glimpses of me working in a hospital, getting married, and having a family...and my heart aches for this. ever since i was little i have always wanted a family, that has been a longing of my heart for so long. however, over the past five and a half years i have been career driven. maybe i have been this way because there has been no possibility of having a family in my future. since i have no control over that i have made something that i can control in my life a priority, my career, so i cannot focus or get depressed about not having a family any time soon. i feel so lost. i feel that the so many directions that i am being pulled in cannot all be satisfied, so i have to choose. fire fighting, the hospital...a family. i cannot have them all. can i? i feel that if i choose this life of fire fighting i may never settle down and have a family, and that petrifies me. but it is something my heart so dearly wants. nursing is great, and safe, but fire excites me. i am so confused about where i am suppose to head. i just wish i didn't feel so alone. Lord, give me direction for my life. i feel so lost.
it has been a weird semester. first, i have had to make the adjustment to living by myself. not that this has been a bad adjustment, but it has just been different. i definitely feel that it has placed a different sense of stress on me, it is weird to explain. anyway, but overall, it has been great. i will say though, i would be lying if i didn't, i do get lonely last night. like last night, when i felt so sick, and all i wanted was to have someone reach out and give me a hug, and i had no one to turn to. all i had was the darkness and quiet of my room. i guess God is really trying to teach me to rely on him. i cannot rely on others. i cannot depend on others. i need to learn to cast all my cares on him.
i have been wrestling a lot within myself recently. i feel that there is an inner battle going on inside of me that i don't know how to win. i feel so lost. when i am at work, i am happy. i am home. i am content. i want to do that forever. yet, i have slim periods, or glimpses of me working in a hospital, getting married, and having a family...and my heart aches for this. ever since i was little i have always wanted a family, that has been a longing of my heart for so long. however, over the past five and a half years i have been career driven. maybe i have been this way because there has been no possibility of having a family in my future. since i have no control over that i have made something that i can control in my life a priority, my career, so i cannot focus or get depressed about not having a family any time soon. i feel so lost. i feel that the so many directions that i am being pulled in cannot all be satisfied, so i have to choose. fire fighting, the hospital...a family. i cannot have them all. can i? i feel that if i choose this life of fire fighting i may never settle down and have a family, and that petrifies me. but it is something my heart so dearly wants. nursing is great, and safe, but fire excites me. i am so confused about where i am suppose to head. i just wish i didn't feel so alone. Lord, give me direction for my life. i feel so lost.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)