hump day.

true.
even though i am not proud to say it, i can be easily influenced by others. i have a hard time making decisions for myself. i have a hard time being true to myself. i hate that i care so much what other people think. or what certain people think. i feel that i have lost myself and the things that i am truly passionate about by trying to blend in with the crowd. i don't like being the different one. i just want to blend in. i wish my heart didn't long for acceptance.

changes need to be made. i can't keep going through life so focused on what other people think. or what other people's opinions are. that is no way to truly live. i need to take time and discover what the desires of my heart are, and no one else. i have been selling myself short, and i deserve a lot more than that.

50 things.

50. i miss dancing. choreographed dancing. high school dance team days were so great.
49. favorite band of all time: the fray. their music always moves me.
48. the thought of turning 24 next month is starting to freak me out a little.
47. sometimes i become overwhelmed with baby fever. i want to be a mom so badly.
46. my favorite color is navy blue.
45. i wish i drove an suv.
44. i don't know how to whistle.
43. pineapple is my favorite fruit.
42. venti nonfat misto with 2 raw sugars and foam is my starbucks drink of choice.
41. i already have a dream engagement ring picked out [even though i'm not dating anyone]. is that weird?
40. i listen to songs on repeat. sometimes for hours.
39. i was prom queen at my senior prom. adorable, i know.
38. i have a weakness for chips and salsa.
37. the only soda i drink is ginger ale. and that's only when i don't feel well.
36. if i could go camping every weekend, i totally would.
35. blue moon is my beer of choice.
34. i wish i was a better artist.
33. and on a similar note, i wish i had a better voice.
32. i could eat thai food everyday.
31. my weather of choice: the rain.
30. i have climbed half dome 3 times.
29. i have 2 tattoos. i want at least 1 more.
28. i would say that i have never truly been in love. but i have definitely had my heart broken.
27. jeans, rainbows, and a v-neck are my go to pieces of clothing.
26. i am not one for dressing up.
25. you could say i have an obsession with my nalgene water bottle.
24. i am a breakfast person.
23. i love making lists.
22. i snowboard.
21. it took me 6 years to finish my bachelor's degree.
20. i love to journal.
19. i love taking pictures.
18. the bachelor is my guilty pleasure.
17. on a similar note, i guess you can call me a gleek.
16. country music helps sooth my soul.
15. black is my default color.
14. i am number 2 of 5 kids.
13. my heart aches for the people of los angeles.
12. i have 8 piercings, but i typically only wear 3.
11. the only other schooling i want to do is paramedic school. masteres, phd, np...no thank you.
10. i have known my roommate/best friend for 14 years. how many people can say that?
9. i have a weak spot for ice cream.
8. single. ready to mingle. and totally ok with that [you don't have to tell me that everything will be ok].
7. i am not a huge fan of makeup. it is a good day when i have powder, mascara, and chap stick on.
6. i grew up in escondido//san diego.
5. you can say i have an obsession with mac products.
4. i am saved by my savior jesus christ.
3. i am an adrenaline junky.
2. i drink to muuch coffee.
1. i long to live an extraordinary life. but i am not sure what that looks like quite yet.

adulthood.

so this last week i definitely feel that i have been transitioning to grown-up life. and can i just say, i am exhausted.

i had my first day on the floor at work on monday, but my first official day on the floor wasn't until yesterday. can i just say, not being a student nurse anymore is weird. sometimes i definitely feel that i should not have as much responsibility that i am given. yes, i have that rn behind my name, but i definitely don't feel any smarter or wiser than i did a couple months ago when i was still a student.

overall though, i feel the transition to my new role as a nurse has been going well. i won't lie, it is stressful. i think i might have developed an ulcer in the last couple of days. but any new job is stressful, right? i know i am definitely spoiled because i am in a familiar place with many familiar faces. i can't imagine being in a brand new hospital where i didn't know a soul. i know that i definitely made the right decision about where to start my nursing career [thank you for pestering me about applying detoy!].

i have also realized in the last couple of days that maybe nursing isn't going to be as bad as i thought. not saying that i thought nursing was a bad career, but i thought i was going to be miserable being cooped up inside of a building all day. yes, it is a transition always being inside, but, i have also found that there is a huge joy in serving people. i realize that i could be feeling this way simply because i am a new nurse, but i am going to enjoy this feeling while i can. having the opportunity to be that kind, reassuring voice to people when they are terrified and in pain is truly an honor and privilege. people really do look up to nurses. i guess i never truly realized how much until now.

i know that i still have loads to learn about my new position. i know that i am going to keep learning everyday for the rest of my career. i know that my future career is going to hold a lot of twists and turns. but for now, i am excited. i am excited to be have the opportunity to work as a nurse, and i look forward to the opportunity to impact people's lives.

that i may be a good steward.

hump day.

adventure.

first things first, i realize that i have been mia. this week has been so incredibly busy, and i am definitely still adjusting to the new job. and if we are being perfectly honest, i have simply been exhausted.

anyway. moving on. i don't know how many of you have read my about me page located right over there ---> [it is the link pur-suh-veer-uhns...just to clear up any confusion]. well, on that page i mention that i am an adrenaline junky. it is true. anything that will get my blood flowing, sign me up! i honestly think this is the reason why i love emergency medicine so much...but not to get sidetracked...

well, this past sunday, i got to do something that truly got my adrenaline going. can you guess what it is? i went bungee jumping!! yes. you read that right. and let me tell you, it was the coolest thing ever!!

i went with my friend matt and his gf jessi. we went to bungee america in azusa [i lived in azusa for 2 years and didn't know this existed. crazy huh], where we jumped off the bridge to nowhere. if any of you watch the bachelor, this is the same bridge that jake and vienna jumped off on their first date. it was about a 5 mile hike to get to the bridge, so we were definitely pumped when we finally arrived.

i did two different jumps, and matt and jessi both did three. it seriously, was the coolest experience ever! and gives you an adrenaline high. i was pretty nervous before i jumped off. but the second i jumped i was on cloud 9. it is an experience i definitely recommend for all of you adventure seekers! it was a good amount of hiking [10 miles round trip], but definitely worth it.

now here are some photos and a video from our day of adventure! enjoy!

happy hump day everyone!


[fast forward to 1:35...5,4,3,2,1 bungee!]

thankful: picking up where you left off.

so, i know, i am pushing it for thankful thursday considering it is almost friday, but better late than never! and give me a break, i had my first day of work today, and went to a new life group tonight but more on both of those later, i have had a busy day.

for my dedicated readers, you might remember me talking about my friend charissa in this post last summer. she is an old friend//roommate//kindred spirit from my biola days. she has a wandering spirit, so since graduation, she has been traveling the globe korea, europe, australia... and the last time that i had seen her was last august when she was visiting the states [for those who aren't paying attention, that's a year people. i haven't seen her in an entire year. and i have been really bad about skyping].

anyway, i got to see her on tuesday!! she had a few hour layover at lax on her way to, wait for it, antarctica [told you she had a wandering spirit]. i went and picked her up from the airport and we went and got in n' out and walked around target for a bit, and then i dropped her back off.

i know what a lot of you must be thinking, was it weird seeing her after such a long time? and my answer is, no. it wasn't weird at all. charissa is one of those amazing friends, that even though it has been months since you spoke, she sucks the truth out of you. you have real conversation. your friendship picks up, right where you left off. it was like i hadn't seen her in a day, not a year.

tuesday night was such a blessing to me. it was such a blessing to spend quality time with an old friend. it was such a blessing to simply be able to share my heart with someone someone who really wanted to hear it. halfway through a conversation, i had paused, and laughed and apologized for word vomiting all over her for the last 20 minutes. she smiled, and simply stated, i can't do surface friendships anymore. i didn't come see you to have a fake conversation with you for an hour...i want to hear about what's real in your life.

so we sat in in n' out for another hour. talking about our struggles, love, our future plans, theology, family, friends, what we are excited about, etc. etc. etc. and when the evening was coming to a close, i felt like i could take a deep breath again. i felt comforted by her friendship. i felt comforted knowing that her friendship and love was never going to waiver. i am so thankful for charissa, for her wandering spirit, and the ability we have to pick up right where we left off.

hope you can find something to be thankful for today. happy thursday!


[dropping charissa off at lax for her to begin her journey to antarctica! love you so much friend!]

hump day.

love.

i believe that love is something that you can never stop learning about. how to love others, how to accept love, and how to love yourself.

love is a choice. love is a constant effort. you don't love someone else because it is easy, or convenient. you love someone because you are drawn to them. you love someone because you are a better person when they are around.

i feel that i have been learning a lot about love these last couple of years. or even more, the last couple of months. or even, the last couple of days. love can look like so many different things. it can look like a surprise cup of coffee on an early morning. it can be a random phone call to check in. it can be a hug when no words are said at all.

i am still learning how to truly love those around me. i am still learning how to accept love from others. i know i will always have something to learn about love. but i am trying to make that choice. i am trying to make love apart of my days. i am trying to make love apart of my life. my heart yearns to live how Christ did. where loving people, and loving God was all that mattered.







happy hump day everyone!

making gains.

so i don't think i ever really mentioned last week that i was having my orange county fire authority interview on tuesday. i know that i mentioned that i was nervous, and feeling stressed, but i never actually said why i was feeling this way.

anywho, i think the interview went well, but it is hard to say this was my first fire department interview ever. one of the issues that the panel wanted to talk with me about was fitness, and what i have been doing to prepare myself for the fire service. i spoke of what i have been doing to prepare, and tried to paint them a picture of my workouts, but deep inside, i got nervous. females definitely have a harder time strength wise in the fire service, because we simply are not built the same way as men. so we have to work twice as hard to even be near the same level as the guys. and that's ok, i have accepted that.

but i have never been this big buff person. if you look at pictures of me in high school and throughout the first part of college, i look like a 12-year old anorexic girl. i have always been really active, but until i started pursuing the fire service, building up my strength was such a foreign concept.

so since the interview, i have really been trying to hit the gym hard. i have really been trying to work on increasing my strength. the fire service is something that i really want, and it is something that i know people think i won't be able to do. and i wouldn't be true to myself if i wasn't trying to prove everybody wrong.

so, going back to the phrase that detoy came up with at the beginning of this year, it's beast year 2011. watch out world, it's time to get ripped.

now for a little motivation...happy tuesday everyone!

the end is not near, it's here.

it is official. i am no longer an emt. my profession, er nurse. woah. crazy.

my last day at mccormick was friday. it was kind of surreal. as we all went to bed that night i made the comment that i may never run another 911 call again. what a weird concept. i absolutely love the field. i love emergency medicine. and to think that i may never be apart of it again, is just weird.

but i will say, the past couple of shifts, i have felt so loved, and so appreciated. it started on wednesday, when i was surprised by my managers and coworkers with a going away dinner at chiles. there was about 20 people [managers, the owner, off duty coworkers, on and off duty supervisors, and another on duty crew from south inglewood] that surprised me. i was just floored. it was so great to get to spend some time with people that have been a huge part of my life for so long.

and then friday. the day started off with getting a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my coworker stanley. it was so thoughtful, and it definitely made me teary eyed. then came detoy and stanley playing boys to men, coldplay, greenday, etc. all with the hopes of making me have a break down. i stood strong. for the most part. detoy and i then put ourselves first up all day, so we could run as many calls possible.

for my last dinner, i made pasta salad [shout out to mama minnick and her famous recipe!], garlic bread, and caeser salad. besides the normal crew, my old partner katie, my friend bryce, and the valley supervisor matt came. oh, and for dessert, we had a bomb chocolate molten cake. i will be sharing the recipe soon. it was so great to get to celebrate the closing of a chapter with good friends thanks for coming guys!

after we finished dinner at the station, we made our way over to fire station 173 for second dessert. the captain was so thoughtful and had a cake made for me it said congratulations on your new job! i was blown away by his thoughtfulness. even though it is good to be moving on, it is moments like that that are going to make me miss this job.

it has been a great 2 1/2 years. i have met some amazing people and have learned so much. i grew up here. this place helped me learn who i am and who i need to be. friday marked the end of an era. an amazing era. thank you station 9. thank you mccormick. thank you for being my family and teaching me about life. it has been a privilege and blessing to work along side you. love you all. mean it.


[after dinner at chiles.]


[beginning of my last shift.]


[top: last dinner!]
[bottom: me and rosser.]


[my old partner katie.]


[top: me and matt.]
[bottom: me and bryce.]


[rockin the helment shield that the station got me for graduation.]


[me and detoy. going to miss working with this kid.]


[me and stanley.]


[standard. love them.]


[me with a shift.]








rock on party people.

hump day.

five rings.

i absolutely love the olympics. i mean, not just kind of like because they come around every 2 years, but el oh vee ee them [sometimes i secretly wish i was good enough at a sport to be an olympian]. i cry during the opening ceremonies. i cry not only because they are beautiful, but because they represent the world coming together in peace; and that is something that i find moving. i plan my life around the olympic line up during those few short weeks. i lose sleep so i can watch the women's gymnastic finals.

i cried when carly patterson won the gold medal. even though i was only 8, the 1996 women's olympic team inspired me [come on, keri strug landing that vault one foot...how can that not bring tears to your eyes?!]. michael phelps is incredible, and how his mom watched every meet made me want to be a mom myself.

i have a bucket list, and one of the things near the top of the list is going to the olympic games. how incredible would that be? no, but seriously. how incredible would that be! i cannot tell you how badly i want to go to london 2012. i have started to research it. and it might be possible. granted, i would probably be able to watch more of the olympics if i was in the comfort of my own home, but even getting to see a couple of the events in person would be totally worth it. they have already had one round of ticket sales for the events, and they are having another one in december. you better believe that me and my visa card will be standing by.

so, thank you olympics. thank you for bringing an indescribable inspiration and joy to my life every 2 years. i can't wait to watch you in person [which will hopefully be in twenty twelve].














happy hump day everyone!

nerves.

i am using all the strength within me to not let my nerves get the best of me this morning. i woke up this morning with that horrible pit in my stomach. it is mornings like this that i am thankful that i can turn to my Savior for comfort, for encouragement, for strength.

i was reminded of this verse this morning; and through this verse, was reminded of Christ's faithfulness.

whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...
colossians 3:23

so i am going to face today, with strength. i am going to face today knowing that what i do is for the glory of God, not man.



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every tear.

i don't have a lot to say today. my heart feels like it is being torn in a so many different directions. i have been listening to coldplay's most recent song on repeat for the past 2 days. it has been soothing to my soul [i love how some songs can do that to you. i love how powerful music can be].

enjoy.

every teardrop is a waterfall coldplay

i turn the music up, i got my records on
i shut the world outside until the lights come on
maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
i feel my heart start beating to my favorite song

and all the kids they dance, all the kids all night
until monday morning feels another life
i turn the music up
i'm on a roll this time
and heaven is in sight

i turn the music up, i got my records on
from underneath the rubble sing a rebel song
don't want to see another generation drop
i'd rather be a comma than a full stop

maybe i'm in the black, maybe i'm on my knees
maybe i'm in the gap between the two trapezes
but my heart is beating and my pulses start
cathedrals in my heart

as we saw oh this light i swear you, emerge blinking into
to tell me it's alright
as we soar walls, every siren is a symphony
and every tear's a waterfall
as a waterfall
oh
is a waterfall
oh oh oh
is a is a waterfall
every tear
is a waterfall
oh oh oh

so you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still i'll raise the flag

oh
it was a wa wa wa wa wa-aterfall
a wa wa wa wa wa-aterfall

every tear
every tear
every teardrop is a waterfall

reminders.

we take things for granted. let me rephrase that, i take things for granted. it is so easy to simply forget how blessed and privileged we are. i woke up today, with the biggest stresses on my mind being prepping for a job interview next week, and hoping i can find a business suit that fits for the same interview. and then i come home, and hear about my friend's lives and lives of total strangers, and feel embarrassed for even stressing earlier in the day.

my friend amy reminds me how blessed i am to have my loved ones close to me her husband aaron is in the military, and his deployment just got extended. my friends devon and steve remind me what a comfortable life i lead in los angeles they leave for india tomorrow. they are moving there to live a life amongst muslims. the navy seals that sacrificed their lives for our country remind me that life is precious, and i need to live my life with more purpose. the lives of friends remind me how lucky i am to have two living parents, that both love me and would sacrifice everything for me.

i have been blessed. and i feel guilty for not living my life accordingly.


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thankful: grace.

today, i am thankful for my dear friend grace. grace and i met about a year and a half ago, when she transferred into my nursing cohort. we became friends pretty much right away, and she quickly became a rock that i would turn to when i was struggling. then last fall, when we went through our rehabilitation and mental health rotations, we became extremely close, because the two of us had been put in a different clinical group than the rest of our close group of friends. it was during last fall that we really leaned on each other, and supported each other when we both thought we were going to fail out of school.

with grace, i can tell her what is really going on there are very few people i can do that with. if i ever need a shoulder to cry on, i know grace will be there. whenever i need honest advice, i know grace will give it to me she is definitely not afraid to hurt my feelings. and whenever i need someone to just be goofy with, i know i can count on her.

yesterday, grace and i met up in westwood, and went scrub shopping! she got a job offer right after graduation at northridge hospital medical center in the intensive care unit, and starts working next week. it was such a joyous time to be able to celebrate the ending of one chapter, and the beginning of another with her.

after we each found a few pairs of scrubs, we went and got dinner at california pizza kitchen it was absolutely delicious, and then just wandered around westwood and caught up with each other and our lives.

i am so grateful for grace, and i am so excited that we are both starting our working as a nurse journey at the same time. i know there are many more adventures in store with this girl, and i can't wait!

love you westmore!!

hump day.

fear.
i have waves. waves of being brave. sometimes, i am ready to conquer the world. other times, i become paralyzed with fear.

when i got my first tattoo, that was not one of my bravest moments. just ask my friend devon. i laid on the bed and would not let the tattoo artist even touch for my foot for a good half an hour. i was petrified of the pain. but i did get it, eventually. and that definitely made me much braver when i got my second tattoo.

when i was a kid, i was always the brave one. just ask my parents. i was always the one seeking out some type of thrill [specifically in roller coasters. i was obsessed with those things]. i would never not do anything because i was afraid.

recently, my fear has started to take over me. i am scared that i am going to make a wrong decision. that i will fail. that i will say the wrong thing. that i won't gain other people's approval.

this new fear, it is paralyzing. and i hate it.

i know God is sovereign. and i know he has a plan. a plan that will be perfect. a plan that, in the end, will all make sense. a plan that will be like a beautiful song, with every key in harmony.

so i am just waiting patiently, for my song to finish being composed.





[fall 2007. devon and i showing off a brand new tattoos.]