hello again.

i have missed this place.

"it's time to begin, isn't it?

i get a little bit bigger, but then i'll admit

i'm just the same as i was

now don't you understand

i'm never changing who i am"-imagine dragons

i am coming back to this place. and i am excited about it.

soothing the soul.

i recently had a conversation with a friend about peace, and having peace on this earth. i told him how i have been longing for peace; his response:

"i doubt we ever will have that peace. we weren't built for this place. at least not our souls...i don't think God wants us to be completely comfortable here."
i am still wrestling with this idea. even though i know it is so true, it doesn't change the fact that my soul is yearning for more. maybe that is my soul longing for more of Christ? and i still haven't come to that realization yet.
i do want to share a few moments when my soul was at such a peace this weekend. i went with grace to the sarah bareilles concert in hollywood [first concert ever! it was amazing!] on friday...and let me just say this, sarah b. is one of those artists that speaks to my heart. a good majority of her songs brings me to tears. anyway, i waited anxiously the entire concert for her to sing my all time favorite song, "gravity." and then, at the very end, she sang it a capella. let me tell you, it was absolutely beautiful. there were tears. happy tears. it was amazing. here is the video for all of you who didn't get to see sarah b. in action...



and, on a side note, i am currently somewhat obsessed for the artist that opened for sarah, joshua radin. he is another phenomenal artist. he is one of those artists that you listen to when you are studying, sitting in a coffee shop, or you just need a good cry. i am currently in love with his song, "brand new day." here is him singing it at the concert. i hope it brightens your day, and helps you find the peace you are searching for.

rut.

thoughts...

i'll be honest, i had a picture in my head of what my adult life would look like. i had a picture in my head of what life post-graduation was going to look like. what life would be like without homework, papers, and sleepless nights. i had a picture in my head that my life would simply fall into place. i had the feeling that i would be filled with so much joy, peace, and contentment in the months following graduation. i still have a picture in my head of what i want my life to look like; but i just can't seem to get there.

i don't know what it is. my soul longs for contentment. my soul longs to be excited to wake up in the morning and face a new day. my soul longs to pour my love into another.

i am in a rut. i have been in a rut for a while. and i hate that i am. i know that the peace i am searching for only comes from Christ, and i don't know why i am having such a hard time facing that fact.

even though change has been the theme to this year, it is still something my heart longs. what is it about the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality? i don't want to live my life with that attitude, and i can feel myself living in that mindset everyday.

i said it in a post at the end of last year, that i want my life to begin, and i feel that i am in the same place. i guess i simply don't know what to do to make a change.

this rut, i want it to be rid of it. oh so badly.

so please pray for me friends. please pray that i can find peace in my life. please pray that i can be thankful for the many blessings Christ has showered me with. please pray that i learn how be content.

and on a side note, take a couple minutes to listen to this beautiful rendition of (i can't help) fall in love with you by ingrid michaelson. it is absolutely beautiful.

travel is for relaxing.

slacker: "someone who puts off doing things to the last minute, and when the last minutes comes, decides it wasn't all that important anyways and forgets about it" -urban dictionary

saying that i have been a slacker in the month of october is kind of a major understatement. and i absolutely hate the excuse that i am about to use, but i have been really busy. i promise. i am a firm believer that if something is important to you, you can make time for it. and i have been wanting to make this space a priority since it is a way that i keep family and far away friends updated with my life. so i apologize for being a slacker, and am really going to make a conscious effort to do better.

so, to welcome myself back to the blogging world, i'm going to come back with a bang! and tell you all about my amazing vacation to the east coast with my dear friend grace. the trip was spectacular, here is a recap for you...enjoy.

wednesday:
after a very long work day for both of us, we boarded a red eye to boston massachusettes. we were planning on sleeping the entire flight, but quickly came to the realization that that was not going to happen. and it became a very long flight.


thursday:
we landed in boston on thursday morning and were ecstatic to be there! let me tell you, boston is gorgeous. we were greeted by some rain, but didn't mind, it was still stunning. we took the "t" [aka boston's subway, it is amazing how quick and efficient their public transportation was. la is way behind on the times] from the airport and to our hotel. praise the lord we were able to check in early! we freshened up and then went exploring! we walked around the city, and then headed over to cambridge to visit harvard university. we took a tour of harvard, it was actually really interesting and we learned so much! i am rethinking my university decisions... on our way back from cambridge we stopped at mass general hospital. it. was. stunning. probably one of the most beautiful hospitals i have ever been in. we went and spoke with nursing recruiters about the steps we would need to take if we wanted to relocate from california. everyone was so happy and helpful. grace and i are thinking a relocation is going to take place in early 2013. we both need a change. even if it just for a couple years.

after we left mass general, we went back to our hotel for a quick nap and then we met up with grace's older brother alex. we had a delicious dinner at a restaurant called stephanie's, and then went out for drinks with him and a few of his friends from boston. it was such a nice and chill evening. definitely what the vacation doctor had ordered.





[hello harvard university! in front of the beautiful harvard library.]










[with some pretty awesome westmores.]



friday:
the weather on friday was absolutely beautiful! we started the day off with a duck tour. it was so much fun! you take a tour of the city in this truck thing that turns into a boat! awesome i know. if you ever go to boston, i highly recommend this! after the duck tour we walked all around the city and were tourists! one of the tourist activities we partook in was drinking a sam adams while looking at sam adams' grave. it's ok, you can be jealous. we met up with alex later, and enjoyed another fun night with him!



[at the boston marathon finish line.]












[fell in love with this beautiful city.]

saturday:
we had to wake up nice and early to catch a train to new york city, we were definitely not ready to leave boston on saturday morning. the train ride was absolutely beautiful! and, it started snowing while we were on the train! yes, that's right, we were on the east coast for their first snow of the season. even though it was absolutely freezing, it was a pretty cool experience to say the least. when we got to new york it was like we were in the middle of a blizzard, it was ridiculous! there was snow/slush/water everywhere! and it was cold. really cold. we walked to the little cafe serendipity 3 for some hot chocolate and tea. the goodies were delicious, but the walk was freezing. we met up with grace's other brother garrett who is living in new york that night and watched the usc game at a usc bar in the city. it was such a fun night [even though they made me cheer for the trojans].

[on the train to NYC!]



sunday:
the weather on sunday was perfect; you would have never known that there had been a small blizzard the day before. sunday turned into a walking day...we were determined to see a ton of the city since we couldn't see a ton the day before. our hotel was only a few blocks from times square, so that was the first place we saw! it brought back a lot of memories from new years' eve 2008 from when i stood out there for 12 hours with devon, charissa, and steve. after times square we ended up walking over 4 miles to ground zero. i had been looking forward to seeing the 9/11 memorial ever since we planned this trip back in september. well, we get there; and guess what...you have to have tickets to get into the memorial. the tickets are free, but you have to get them online prior. to say that we were a teensy disappointed is just a little bit of an understatement. so now you all know, if you are going to NYC, and want to see the 9/11 memorial, get tickets beforehand. learn from our mistake people.

even though we were a bit bummed from the memorial, sunday night made up for it. why? you ask...because we got to go see mary poppins on broadway! the show was phenomenal. and we had bomb seats [thank you kind ticket booth man and our "coupon!].
after the show it was still somewhat early so we walked over to rockerfellar center. they were getting the ice ready; and just being there made you want to be in a holiday mood! NYC is such a magical place.














monday:
we woke up monday being a little sad, because we knew that our vacation was coming to an end; and we would have to be getting back to real life. but we were determined to make the most of our last day on the east coast. first order of business, running in central park! 6.1 miles of running to be exact. that's right, we ran around the. entire. park. boom. miss marathon runner grace was done is 2 seconds...it took me a little bit longer. after our run we went and got freshened up, checked out of our hotel, and spent the rest of the day doing some more sightseeing. we hit up levain bakery and consumed some amazing chocolate chip cookies. from there we went to the empire state building for one last touristy activity. the view from the top is spectacular. and it was a perfect way to end our amazing trip.



















[with our street food!]




[going home...]

absolutely amazing vacation!! looking forward to many more traveling excursions with this amazing lady.
happy monday everyone!

hump day.

on learning.
i know i have said it before. and i am positive that i will say it again. life is precious. that is what i have really been learning these last couple of weeks. i will be honest, work lately has been hard. emotionally. physically. mentally. spiritually. seeing horrible things. seeing heartache. seeing young people taken before their time. that's not new. being the one people lean on and turn to during heartache. that's new.

i am learning. i am learning what it means to be that person that people can turn to when their world has been shaken. i am learning. i am learning to find that balance between caring and becoming too attached. i am learning how not to take work home with me. i am learning what it means to be christ's caring hands to the people of inglewood and south central.

i am not going to lie, this job is the hardest thing i have ever done. saying that i haven't cried multiple times when driving home would be a lie. i want to do my job well. i want to make a difference. sometimes i think maybe i want that too much.

life is precious. that reminder makes me want to do things. it makes me want to love and cherish those around me. it makes me not want to live in fear. it makes me want to live for the moment. it makes me want to say i love you more.

life is precious. make sure you are living like it.


[january 2009. new york with college roommates devon and charissa. love and miss them.]

slowing down.

so as i mentioned in my last post, i went to yosemite with my parents last week. yes, i was just there in july with kara and detoy, but i just cannot get enough of this place. i cannot express the relief that i feel when i am out in nature. i feel like i can breath. i wish i felt like that more often.

this trip to yosemite was much different than my last few trips. first, i went with my parents. this was my first time camping with them in over ten years. crazy, i know. camping with my parents was just such a different pace than when i go camping with other youngsters. my parents take their time. there is never any rush. they enjoy the scenery, the sights and sounds, and make sure that they are simply relaxing. it was actually, quite relaxing. we didn't hike half dome, and it actually was nice to have a little break and enjoy some shorter hikes around the valley.

and also, it was just nice to spend some good quality time with my parents. i know that i am definitely very blessed to have parents that i am close to and that i am welcome to go camping with. spending the weekend with them was filled with a lot of reminiscing, laughing, and simply enjoying being with each other.

we did run into a little bit of rain on the saturday that we were there, but besides that, the weather was absolutely beautiful. yosemite in the fall is definitely going to need to become a tradition, because it was stunning. now i just need to experience yosemite in the winter, it looks and sounds incredible.

my mini vacation recharged me. it reminded me that i am blessed. it reminded me that God is watching over me and has a big plan for my life. it reminded that i have been given so many opportunities, and that i need to embrace all of them, even when they are challenging.