neurology.

have you ever heard the phrase "the more you learn the less you know?" i first heard it in high school from my amazing chemistry teacher [holla at mr. e!]. i honestly didn't really understand that phrase during my good 'ol high school days, but today, that phrase slapped me straight across the face. my clinical rotation today was in the neurology intensive care unit at usc univeristy hospital, and let's just say that it was just a teansy overwhelming. actually, let me take that back, it was inredibly overwhelming. as i mentioned yesterday, neurology makes me nervous. though i have a deep love for derek shepard and all of his awesome neuro surgical skills, i have never felt a deep calling or connection to neurosurgery/neuroscience/neurology. never. so today was stretching. very stretching. and while i was reading charts, assessing my patient, talking to doctors, nurses, and respiratory therapists, i very quickly felt incompetent. in my mind, the entire day, i kept thinking "who are you kidding...you are definitely not smart enough to be here. you just need to go home and read for hours because you have no idea what is going." now, i know these thoughts are a little extreme, but that is how i felt. not competent. and not ready [knowledge wise] to graduate in may.
so, with all that said, i am going to make myself vulnerable to the blogging world, and ask for support [which is so hard for me, because i am always very self reliant. always have, always will]. please be praying for me. i am overwhelmed this semester. i feel like i am simply trying to keep my head above waves that are crashing in all around me. i feel that it is a daily struggle to stay positive and remind myself that i can do this. i spent the day doubting myself, and i am exhausted. and now i have to go work on my case study. please just pray that God gives me strength and energy, because this is the hardest marathon that i have ever ran, and i am simply trying not to collapse before i sprint across that finish line.


[i get to see this amazing girl, my old roommate bre williams, on thursday after clinical [and after i turn in my case study!] and i am so excited! catching up with old friends is always stellar]