rut.

thoughts...

i'll be honest, i had a picture in my head of what my adult life would look like. i had a picture in my head of what life post-graduation was going to look like. what life would be like without homework, papers, and sleepless nights. i had a picture in my head that my life would simply fall into place. i had the feeling that i would be filled with so much joy, peace, and contentment in the months following graduation. i still have a picture in my head of what i want my life to look like; but i just can't seem to get there.

i don't know what it is. my soul longs for contentment. my soul longs to be excited to wake up in the morning and face a new day. my soul longs to pour my love into another.

i am in a rut. i have been in a rut for a while. and i hate that i am. i know that the peace i am searching for only comes from Christ, and i don't know why i am having such a hard time facing that fact.

even though change has been the theme to this year, it is still something my heart longs. what is it about the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality? i don't want to live my life with that attitude, and i can feel myself living in that mindset everyday.

i said it in a post at the end of last year, that i want my life to begin, and i feel that i am in the same place. i guess i simply don't know what to do to make a change.

this rut, i want it to be rid of it. oh so badly.

so please pray for me friends. please pray that i can find peace in my life. please pray that i can be thankful for the many blessings Christ has showered me with. please pray that i learn how be content.

and on a side note, take a couple minutes to listen to this beautiful rendition of (i can't help) fall in love with you by ingrid michaelson. it is absolutely beautiful.