on resolutions.

resolutions. i'll be honest, i love the idea of new years resolutions. a clean slate. a new start. i love them. especially this year. i don't know what it was about twenty ten that i have a negative connotation towards it, but i was not a fan. i guess part of me hated it because i felt that i was trapped in my life, not free to make my own decisions and live the life that i so yearned for. i guess maybe that is why i was looking forward to twenty eleven. even though i know i shouldn't, i have built 2011 up in my mind as the year that i am going to take my life back. in the book that i am reading, cold tangerines, shauna niequist talks about waiting in the first chapter. she talks about how she would be going through her life, waiting for the grand event when her life would start. in her book, she states:

"i have always, essentially, been waiting. waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person i always thought i was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life i though i would have...and through all that waiting, i am here. my life is passing, day by day, and i am waiting for it to start. i am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin."
when i read that chapter in her book, it was like she had looked into my soul and expressed everything that i had been feeling over the last couple of years. i have been guilty of a person merely w a i t i n g for their life to start. my life is passing me by, and i need to stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for the big moment that will let me be a part of it. this is my life, and i am only going to live it once, and i need to make sure it is a life worth living. yes there are going to be moments that are going to help define my life, but these are not going to be moments when my life begins. today. now. i am in the middle of my life, it has already begun, and i need to embrace it.
with that being said, new years resolution 2011...begin living my life, and stop waiting for it to start [because it began a long time ago].


[my nephew avery rock and i on christmas eve]