hump day.

lists.
i am a list maker. not just a casual, jot down a few notes so you don't forget...no. a hardcore, make lists of things you have already done so you can check something off and feel accomplished list maker. it is a little ridiculous, i know, but lists make me happy. they make me feel accomplished. they help motivate me to get things done. sometimes i am convinced that there is no joy like putting a check mark next to an object on your list. lists helped me get through the last 2 years. lists helped keep me sane. i have always been a list maker, and i think i always will.


[slurpee sunday with detoy]

happy wednesday everyone. 3 days.

f.r.e.e.

i never thought i would make it to this day. i never thought i would be able to say this...i. am. free. i know, i know, it may sound overdramatic [but you will all get over that], but that is how i felt when i walked out of my last final yesterday, freedom. i still don't think it has truly hit me, the fact that the tests, the homework, the case studies, the clinical hours...they are done. that concept, the concept of freedom, it is so foreign. i have felt that the last 6 years [especially the last 2] of my life were already planned out for me. that i didn't have a choice in my week to week activities. i felt like my life was not my own. but now, it is. i am excited to be able to sleep in on weekends, spend more time with my family, watch movies at night, go to church on a regular basis, etc. and i am excited. i am excited to see where this new chapter in my life takes me. what this new journey holds. where my career ends up. i am excited about the possibilities for the rest of my life. i am just so thankful for God blessing me with the opportunity to go through school [even though i complained the majority of the way]. i only hope that i am able to use this degree for his glory.

...that i may be a good steward...

4 days.

bittersweet.

the celebrations have already begun. on thursday we turned in our last case study. ever. wow. i never thought that day would come. and i picked up my cap and gown. so, grace and i went to max's for mexican food and margaritas to celebrate [it was bomb!!].





then on friday, kara and i hiked garcia trail in the morning. it was so great to start the day off exercising and in the midst of nature. i just felt so at peace throughout the hike. it was such a good way to start my last weekend as a student.





and now today. today was my last day of precepting. it was, well, bittersweet. i was so excited, because, well, that is just one step closer to being done with school. but at the same time, it is one step closer to me having to start facing my fears, and begin trying to figure out the true desires of my heart, and what path God is leading me on. today made me that much closer to losing my identity as a student...an identity that i have been so comfortable with for nearly 20 years. today was bittersweet.












[me and raffi...aka bomb preceptor. and he used to work for westmed. small world]

7 days.

devon.

my dear friend devon turns 24 today. you might remember me mentioning her birthday party a few posts ago, well, today is her real birthday! yeahhhh 24!! this girl is absolutely amazing, and has been such a huge part of my support system over my college years. we lived on the same floor when i was at biola my freshman and sophomore year, and then we lived in an apartment together our junior and senior year. she has taught me so much about God, being loved, and loving others. her and her husband steve are moving to india in july to do missions [they are amazing, i know]. i am going to miss them so much.
happy birthday devon, love you so much, i am going to miss you dearly.


[me and devon on my 21st birthday]


[me, devon, and our dear friend charissa in times square. new years eve 2008]


[me and devon on her wedding day. august 2009]


[me and devon in las vegas. new years 2009]


[me and devon in fullerton after shooting my senior pictures. april 2011]

9.

9.
i feel like the number 9 has been significant in my life. first, it is my station. it is my second home, it has where i have spent 1/3 of my life for the last 2 1/2 years. i take pride in the number 9.
i started nursing school my 9th semester of college. the tears, excitement, and pain from the first 8...and semester 9 started a completely different journey.
tonight, i am finishing my 9th and final case study of nursing school. hundreds of pages later, and i am finishing my last one.
and today, i have 9 more days till graduation. 6 years later, and i only have 9 days left. praise the sheperd. God is good.

9 more days.

easter.

the older you get, the different holidays become. i remember growing up, easter was such a huge deal. we [the 4 of us girls] would always get new easter dresses for church that day, the entire family would come over for a delicious easter dinner, and easter baskets were always awesome. easter wasn't like that this year, or last year either. i haven't been to church on easter in 2 years...i have had to work. i realize that this is a reality of adulthood, but it is just kind of funny that a holiday that was such a big deal a few years ago, is now simply another day at work.
last year i got my second tattoo the day before easter. it is on the side of my foot, and it reads "his wounds have paid my ransom..." when i was in the heart of inglewood yesterday, i thought a lot about this phrase. i thought a lot about the sacrifice of Christ. i thought a lot about how i wish i had honored his sacrifice more yesterday. thank you my most almighty savior for saving me. for giving me new life. for giving me the opportunity to live this life free of chains. because of you, i am washed.
so, even though it is a day late, happy easter. may you remember the sacrifice that Christ made for all of us, and may we live our lives accordingly.


[the last easter i spent with my family. 2009]

12 days.

feminine.

so, i went through this phase. it was at its peak about a year ago. dark hair and refusing to wear makeup. i was trying to prove a point. i was trying to prove to the world that i was tough, that i didn't need my feminine side. the skirts, dresses, makeup, i was trying to show the world that i didn't need any of it. i was trying to prove to myself that i didn't need any of it. i went through this phase, where being a girl was weak, so i didn't everything in my power to be the opposite of a girl. i didn't care what i looked like, i just cared about whether or not i came across as tough. i was trying to show everyone who doubted me, that i could be a firefighter. i was trying to show myself.
but what i have found, or more what i have realized, is that i don't have to lose my femininity to be a firefighter. i don't have to change myself to be a firefighter, i can let it become a part of who i already am. a year ago, i had lost myself. i didn't know who i was. but i feel that that is changing, slowly. i feel like i am finding myself again. i feel like i am learning who i am, or who i am suppose to be, and that is a good feeling. and i am learning that who i am suppose, can include showing my girly side.
and my dear friend devon salisbury took senior pictures for me this past sunday. thank you devon! so enjoy :) have a great thursday everyone.

















































16 days.